


Here Comes The Sun

by a_dead_poet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Song fic, The Beatles reference, literally just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29680653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_dead_poet/pseuds/a_dead_poet
Summary: Here comes the sun, and I say: it’s all right.(The last time Remus Lupin’s heart breaks over Sirius Black).
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 7





	Here Comes The Sun

“Hey, get up,” Remus whispers, shaking Sirius’s tattooed arm. Sirius still screams in his sleep, he always has, but Remus can tell it’s getting worse because of the trickle of blood at the corner of his split lips. The prison escapee shakes Remus’s hand off and shivers, whimpering even as a grown man.

It reminds Remus of waking Sirius up when they were kids, when they were young and in love, when he had to wake Sirius up early in the morning and whisper in his ear, “Get back to your own bed,” so that James and Peter wouldn’t see. It reminds him of how Sirius would nuzzle Remus in the neck and lick his cheek, laughing, as Remus exclaimed, “You’re not a dog!”

In fact, it reminds him of how he sent one Nymphadora Tonks out of his bed that morning.

He shakes away the thought and nudges Sirius’s hip with his hand. It’s a hip his hands are altogether too familiar with. That was their problem, he knew. Sirius and Remus were altogether too familiar with each other to work. It was the excuse Remus liked to use to justify his own commitment issues. “Sirius,” he urges. “Sirius, wake up.” Sirius doesn’t respond, just whines pitifully and bats a hand at his sweaty forehead. Remus knows better than to leave him in his hellish dreams, the ones cooked up in the darkest recesses of his mind, so he lightly slaps Sirius across the face.

Sirius finally blinks his nightmare out of his eyes and bolts upright, hands clutching at the blankets, breathing heavily. He looks up and sees Remus, then quickly leans over to embrace him. Remus stiffens at the hug.

When did it get so bad? When did it get so bad that he couldn’t hug his best friend? The only person he’d ever let himself be seen by? The first one he ever, truly, let himself love?

Sirius finally pulls away, then frowns. “Moon—Remus. It’s early,” he croaks.

“Yeah. Come on.” Remus reaches out and loosely threads his fingers through Sirius’s on impulse. Sirius looks down, surprised, but clasps his hand around Remus’s. Remus is aware of every nerve, but not in a good way. Not in the way he used to. He wishes he were numb. He thinks Sirius is.

Remus tugs Sirius out of bed and out of his bedroom, pulling him up the creaky stairs of Grimmauld Place. They pass a sitting room on the way, and Remus feels his cheeks and heart light on fire with guilt as he sees Tonks stretched out on a couch, dozing, snoring lightly. He realizes that he knows how she snores. He also knows Sirius doesn’t. The only sounds Sirius makes in sleep are sounds of pain.

“She’s wearing your shirt.”

Remus feels Sirius’s words like an icicle through his back. It isn’t a question. He knows Sirius knows it’s his. He knows this because it’s one that Sirius wore. Many times.

He knows Sirius isn’t making an accusation, either. He’s just stating the facts. Remus doesn’t want him to state the facts. He wants him to beg, to scream, to do anything. He wants him to want him.

This is one of many moments when Remus thinks about how much he hates himself.

He finally reaches the top, and pauses to lift the trapdoor that leads into the attic. It’s tough for the two men to fit through. Their bodies don’t work like they used to.

Their bodies should work at their age. Remus and Sirius were tragedies, and tragedies age fast and die slowly.

Sirius speaks again, his voice no longer smooth, but rough, grated away at by his years in prison. “Why’re we up here?”

Remus leads him to the window, and just as he hoped, the sun was rising beautifully over the horizon, painting the sky as it ascended, blending pinks and purples and blending them into blue. It was marvelous, and the two stared at it. Tragedies can recognize beauty, even if they can’t recognize it in themselves.

Sirius is about to speak again when Remus opens his mouth.

“Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo.

Here comes the sun, and I say,

It’s all right.”

He glances over, and Sirius’s face is blank. He can’t read it like he used to. You lose foreign languages when you don’t use them, and he was no longer fluent in Sirius Black.

“Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.

Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here.

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo.

Here comes the sun, and I say,

It’s all right.”

He pauses, his voice creaking on every syllable, his breath shaking. He has to go on, Sirius always went on for him. He’s afraid of what he’ll see on Sirius’s face, so he doesn’t look. Remus Lupin, at least to himself, is a coward.

“Little darling, the smile’s returning to their faces.

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here.

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo.

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right.”

Sirius is crying, and Remus stops. “I don’t know,” Sirius says, tears silently streaming down his hollow cheeks, from his hollow eyes. “I don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t know what anyone is doing anymore. And I’m scared.”

Remus’s heart breaks inside. It isn’t the first time his heart breaks over Sirius Black, and it won’t be the last.

“I’m singing for you. Don’t you remember? How you used to sing for me?”

Sirius doesn’t shake his head, but Remus knows he doesn’t. He barely remembers anything happy, Remus knows this. Why was he so stupid to think Sirius would remember?

He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I’m going to finish now. I’m skipping the bridge because you always did.” He laughed, but he wasn’t sure why. The sound tripped in his throat, as a drunk would do in an unfamiliar terrain. Remus Lupin hadn’t laughed in a long time.

“Little darling, I feel the ice is slowly melting.

Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear.

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo.

Here comes the sun, and I say,

It’s all right.

Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo.

Here comes the sun.

It’s all right.

It’s all right.”

And he almost believes it as he starts to lean into a kiss, lips meeting empty air as he finds that Sirius is gone.

And that is the last time Remus Lupin’s heart breaks over Sirius Black.


End file.
